And then after days and weeks of "hearing" those same things repeated in a myriad of different internal dialogues, eventually I give in and just start typing something. See, the thing that keeps me from blogging is probably the fact that I write every single day. I just don't blog every day.
I'm a member of multiple forums and I keep a journal, although a bit more sporadically than my forum participation. But those forms of writing really satisfy most of my communication desires. I also struggle a bit with the blogging idea, because most of the people I myself enjoy reading are brilliant or funny, or brilliant AND funny, and I don't consider myself to be either of those things. A lot of the bloggers I enjoy reading are also what is generally referred to as "Mommy Bloggers," and I don't entirely qualify for that category being that my children are grown and in their 20s.
My interests, don't seem to be shared with very many other people my age. For instance, I'm big big into PC gaming. Over the past couple of months I have been playing Everquest II again, after being away from it for about a year. I've also played Dragon Age: Origins, Torchlight, and participated in various other beta tests and trials for other games, both role-playing games and MMOs of assorted flavors. See....I've lost most anyone reading this already. I guess the one thing I could mention that is pretty much a household word by now is that I also just left World of Warcraft after having played for five years. Yeah....at least some people have heard of THAT one.
So when it comes time to blog/write outside of my comfort zones of game forums, rant forums, and journaling....I tend to choke. My problem is that I don't really want to write "for myself." If I was writing just for myself, then my blog would become my journal, and there would be no point in keeping them separate. There would also be no point in anyone ever reading it. My journal makes very little sense unless you're inside of my head. Actually....I'M inside of my head and I don't always understand it when I go back to read it days later, so....it would be silly to expect anyone else to decipher it.
I'm feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I have nothing pertinent to say...sometimes for months at a time. On the other hand, if you don't write for your blog regularly, you lose readers even if you only have ten. Oh wait...now I have eight. And of those eight, probably six are just kind-hearted people who don't want me to feel alone. You guys...are the bomb. :)
I would love to be a writer of the same caliber and style as Jenny, The Bloggess. I would love more than anything to make people LAUGH. Laughter is so healthy, so healing, so freeing. But I'm not always funny. Sometimes I am just downright boring. And I have to wonder what kind of person is able to write something funny on a regular basis that makes people just roll with laughter.
Anyhow....this is an update, weak as it may be. And I would like to say I'm willing to make a commitment to blogging, but I don't like letting anyone down. I don't like letting myself down either. I haven't kept up reading the blogs I love. I haven't kept up writing here. I'm struggling to keep up with even simple daily things right now like laundry. It's just one of the times of life. But I will TRY to do better. I will TRY to be funnier. I will TRY to post more often. I will TRY to not lose my mind worrying about trying to do those things.
Right now....all I want is some nachos.